General musings ...

Life would be better if my hair wasn't so high maintenance.

Self Improvement 101

When I was 18 I thought: I’m annoying, I’m shy, and I think I know everything. I have got to change. So I moved myself out of my comfort zone, moved out of home, and made new friends. I stopped listening to my parents, and I didn’t let narcissism and fear hold me back.

The idea was to work on developing my personality, typically the hardest thing to change about you, by watching what I did and didn’t like about other people and recognizing what I did and didn’t like within myself. I suppose I was modeling myself on characteristics of people I admired or thought were laid back and “cool”. I thought it would only take a few years, but here I am at 26, no longer modeling myself on others (especially just because I think they’re cool), but still trying to control and acknowledge my bad points and irradiate or improve on them.

What I didn’t realize at 18, and what I am only just beginning to realize now, is that self improvement isn’t a liner progression, it’s a lifelong struggle. But, I think I’m up to it. I think I had already achieved something when, at 18, I realized that I’m not faultless.

And thank god for that. How else would I learn?

The contact lense nightmare and resurgence in blogging interest

I nearly poked my eye out today while attempting to take contact lenses out for the first time. I pinched my eye several times, and after half an hour of stress and whimpering I had to get my kind flatmate to help me take the left contact out.

It was a nightmare, and I ended up looking like I'd been crying all day. I'm very scared of putting them back in again, but I have to master this, or how am I going to get along, blind, in Europe?

I called my dear mum and she said it took her four brands to get it right. That's a worry - this is my second brand already. My eye still hurts, but I'm going to make this work.

I am considering making this blog about something more than poetry ... maybe about my struggles with improving my writing. I've always been a "sprinter" in life, and this seems to be reflected in my writing. I never finish anything unless it can be done in one or two sittings.

If I just write whatever I feel like writing on here, then it might work. Poetry, prose, dialogue, my thoughts ... I might have to change the blog title.

I saw the movie Julie and Julia today, and I think that's what's sparked this resurgence of blogging interest. Fingers crossed my sprint turns in to a marathon run.

See ya later alligator
xxo

is contemplating emerald green and russet red

I want to croon, into the microphone, like it’s nobody’s business but yours.
Money isn’t real
Nothing can bring me down now, you’ve already brought out the big guns, is that all you’ve got?
You’ve already shown your hand, where do we go from here?
Nothing can bring me down, solid as a pound
Before you get excited, it won’t last long.
Before you take a look, I must warn you – illusions can be dangerous, to your state of mind.
Before you take a picture – remember how I feel.
Before you pluck that flower, remember the busy bee.
Before you wink at me, think how I might react.
Before, you pause, jump in.
Jump. Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do,
For unconventional smiles and silly feelings of giddiness and love.
Before the eleventh hour, take stock. It may be your last chance to fly in amber skies and swim through moving oceans.
And live.